We didnt celebrate his birth

I had my counselling this morning. And it made me realise something -at no point have we actually celebrated Nates birth. As I've described previously the constant stream of bad/negative/bleak news given by professionals lead to a horrific first few weeks. My counsellor asked me to write down the two words which would best describe how I felt at that time. I chose grief and despair.
Grief- I felt I was grieving for the death of my child. According to everyone we spoke to he didn't have a future. So I experienced a taste of what it must feel like to lose a child, the difference being that event hadn't happened... Yet.
Despair- I couldn't comprehend how we could function as a family with this sentence hanging over us.
Because of these feelings I felt I couldn't be "congratulated" on the birth of my child. I wouldn't / couldn't put up cards, balloons or banners. there didn't seem to be anything to be happy about. As the weeks went on and we got him home we were so busy/stressed we never had time to appreciate our little man. I feel really guilty about that. So as we are in the run up to his first birthday, as I've said before, I feel sad. But now I can add an addition to my list of why I feel sad..

How can I celebrate Nates first birthday when I didn't celebrate his birth?

something I need to think on.

We must remember as well that Nates future is still uncertain. We don't know what scary symptoms or life threatening occurrences could be around the corner. we need to appreciate and celebrate him while we can.


The last few days have been quite positive. He's put on weight, been grasping and exploring while on his side and tummy, discovering his hair and playing with it, and trying to get his arms in a position to be able to push up. :)
however today we start him on preventative antibiotics while we await his kidney tests. Fingers crossed they come back normal.