My new working week...

I will be honest. Things didn't get off to the best of starts.
Saturday night, half one, and Nates heart rate went through the roof. This means either he is having carbon dioxide problems or he has a temperature. We shot awake and found him pale and shaking. His temp was 40.9. Neither of my little darlings has ever had a temp that high before. We have open access to our local hospitals children's ward so we took him off his nippy ventilator and took him up. He had various tests and has a urine infection. Fortunately the calpol, ibuprofen and antibiotics got to work quickly and we were home the next day!

It was always going to be hard leaving Nate and thea. But this additional stay in hospital just made things worse! The guilt I feel at leaving Nate in the care of my mam and mil is huge. But we have the mortgage from hell and we need the money. We have our house up for sale at the minute, so hopefully we sell soon and are rid of the "noose around our neck" as my husband refers to it. Our bank doesn't want to give us a mortgage as I now earn too little. We will try a mortgage broker but I'm not hopeful. Looks like we will be renting. But a bigger house will be a godsend as we are getting overtaken by Nates equipment in our little 2 bed terrace. I love my house but we have outgrown it. And Nate is squished into our room at the minute.

So I made it to work yesterday. It was lovely to see people again, but I haven't been there for a year and didn't recognise half the staff. My mam sent me loads of texts to say things were fine at home, which really put my mind at rest.
I have cajoled, praised, encouraged, and shouted at teenagers over the last two days. They have had a multitude of supply teachers while I've been away and my attempts to actually get them to work were met either with attitude or apathy. So not the best of starts. Faced with that I just kept thinking I should be elsewhere. So my two days of work are over for the week. I am exhausted. Being at work doesn't stop you from constantly worrying about your special needs child. Having a day at work doesnt mean you suddenly get a nights sleep where you aren't up 3 or more times when monitors alarm. There were asked tricky questions by staff and pupils. I have resorted to just saying Nate is "ok" when people enquire. It's simply too long a story, and I'm never sure if they are being polite, want gossip, or have a genuine interest. I've no idea how I'm going to keep this up. I really don't. It will get better, won't it?