When battles get too much

I will be honest. I want to board up the doors and windows and hide from the world.

What I SHOULD do is start ringing people and getting very very angry. I have no idea where we will be in a months time. We have missed 3 payments on our mortgage, we explain every day when they ring that our circumstances have not changed, nor will they. I would like nothing more than one morning to wake up and find Nate sitting up in bed, breathing properly, babbling away, playing with toys. Fixed. I would go back to work, and everything would be fine and dandy. And now the phone calls have stopped. Next stage in the repossession process I presume.

Local authority housing is sparse. The right to buy scheme took away social housing that was never replaced as was promised. Only a few suitable properties come up each week, you bid, you wait to hear, your hopes are up, your hopes are crushed. This week was no different. We have urgent status but finished 18th. Apparently medical priority only counts on adapted houses ( not what we were told) we thought both medical priority and repossession together would stand us in good stead for a basic 3 bed house. Seems not.

I can't explain the hopeless feelings I have. I really can't. Friends have fund raised for sensory equipment for Nate, but we can't use it yet. Nate has a very impressive special bed in storage as he hasnt got a bedroom to put it in and it won't fit in ours.

I know I need to pull myself together, rally the troops and attempt to sort this mess out. But I'm just so worn out from dealing with day to day Nate stuff, the fear of appointments coming up, and everything really. Nothing is straightforward.

I wish the people who have some power would spend a day in my shoes and then say we don't need help ASAP.