On Covid testing chaos

Prior to last week my experience of Covid testing was minimal consisting of a test in July when I felt truly terrible and could feel my temperature going up ( it eventually spiked at 40 even with antipyretics). Back in July it was pretty simple to get a test, I went online and had a test booked for 40 mins later. It was quick, efficient, and I had negative results by 6.30am the next morning. The infection I did have turned out to be Campylobacter caused by a mistake made due to tiredness ( see previous posts on lack of respite) and chicken, which is now my most hated fowl- even more so than turkey ( see distasterous performance on The Weakest Link 17 years ago). I can’t bring myself to talk about the ensuing week of food poisoning but if this was a text there would an abundance of poo emojis, and let’s just leave that there. 

So on Wednesday Nate was gasping and screaming on his way home from school, then at 8.30pm started weird screaming again. He shook all over and was extremely stiff- none of his limbs would bend and they were clamped tightly to his torso. Nate’s temperature was 37.2 ( when I managed to get under an arm) so creeping up slightly and for which we gave paracetamol and cuddles. Half an hour later his temperature was 38.8 which at least explained the shaking. Oh fuck, thought we, as I poured my Sauvignon Blanc back into it’s bottle and began our attempts to book a Covid test online. That early night wasn’t happening. I tried for hours as Nate finally settled, but had no luck. I’d seen articles online about how difficult it was going to be to get a test for him and went to bed for an early start, after breaking the news to his sister that we were home for the foreseeable which, needless to say, went down like a lead balloon.

Nate slept. He slept all night and didn’t wake the next morning. No rah rah rah early morning call. We set about trying to get a test from about 6.30am. Both myself and Michael continuously added his details to the website over the next few hours, only to be told there were no slots. I tried making up NE postcodes and Galashiels popped up at one point but even that was gone by the time I was through the system. A bit later the system kept showing availability at a Sunderland site, it allowed you to choose a time, but then looped you back to the beginning of the process. It was like trying to get concert tickets, but without the ability to buy them later for twice the price on eBay. Fucksake. There was a strong risk of me hurling my phone through the window at this point. I tried 119 ( they use exactly the same online system so had the same issues), the CCN team, and his respiratory team. There is NO system in place for giving any sort of priority testing for these children and adults who have been identified as extremely clinically vulnerable over the last 6 months. In addition how the very FUCK can people know to self isolate if people they’ve been with can’t even get a test to say they are positive. Fucking shambles.

By lunchtime Nate was still asleep but at least his temperature was normal. At this point we even had friends online trying to get us a test. An elusive spot in Durham popped up, but was quickly gone. By sheer fluke while on a call (working from home) Michael was still messing about on the site (even though the 2nd call to 119 had said to leave it till that night) and managed to select an appointment in Durham after a random handful of slots opened up. I must stress we only had the ability to keep continuously checking the site because Nate was stable and asleep. I’ve no idea how anyone can do this while ill themselves, or looking after a sick child who needs constant attention. It was bad enough having to abandon a call or my phone due to seizure sats drops.

We managed to wake Nate up a bit as getting to the arse end of Durham and back on his vent with a small cylinder of oxygen would be a challenge, but took all of his equipment with him just in case. That pissed me off as well. Having to move him I mean. It can be tricky at the best of times and needed me in the back to keep an eye on him. 

The testing site itself was calm and organised, well managed and run. The staff friendly and supportive even when Michael fucked up putting the sample bottle in the bag. It was a battle to test Nate. These nose and throat swab kits aren’t the greatest for a small boy with dagger teeth who doesn’t understand, and I’m not going to lie I really did nearly lose a finger.  Luckily the test came back negative the next morning at which point his sister immediately got ready for school ( she’s clearly sick of the sight of us). 

Since then Nate has been tired and having weird seizures, but woke up yesterday full of beans. No idea what’s been up with him. After the initial fear of Covid I must confess were all terrified of having to stay home for 2 weeks. Still scarred by shielding and lockdown, and also reminded that any virus is a risk to him actually, hmm where’s these Flu jabs?

And of course we get to do this all a-fucking -gain the next time there’s a high temperature in the house ( or other Covid symptom)- I give it 2-3 weeks. It is September after all, and there’s always a resurgence of any virus when schools go back, everyone knows this don’t they? In addition we’ve all been eating out to help out, mixing, shopping, spending, haven’t we? Surely it should be obvious going into the autumn that a greater testing capacity is vital? Alongside a fully functioning test and trace system? Surely? 

FUCKSAKE 

But don’t fear. The government has got it ALL UNDER CONTROL as we enter a North East local lockdown with restrictions which make little sense, and seem to be too little too late. It comes to something when you realise the  “circuit breaker” idea currently touted by the government was suggested by that eminent epidemiologist and public health expert Michael Jeffares 6 months ago...