When my name is not my name

I adopted a variety of new names when I became a teacher. I would leave work with shouts of "Miss!" ringing loudly in my ears. Miss            ,  Mrs               , Miiiiiiiss, even a cheeky "Miss man!" ( that's slang and not a reference to my genitalia, just so you know). These names reflected my identify and profession. I'll not mention some of the less pleasant things I've be called, shouted, or had written on my lab door or benches...

Students become fascinated with trying to guess their teacher's first name presumably in an effort to make them more relatable and to humanize the teaching profession ( they think we live in school, have no life and love marking after all). One tricky class spent about 6 months chuffed with themselves for managing to persuade me to divulge my name (Rita) and were gutted to find out I'd had them on. 

Small pleasures and all that. 

So when you feel your identity starting to slip away life can gradually or sometimes suddenly become quite tricky. I've spoken before of my need to work in order to have an identity other than "parent/ carer/ nurse/ therapist/",  about feeling the loss of "me", and about how carers need something other than caring... 

But when and where does the loss of identify come as a carer? 

Is it when the caring outweighs the parenting?

Is it when the inside of your house looks more like a hospital ward than a home? 

Is it when you spend more time on hospital wards than on holiday? 

Or is it when even health and educational professionals stop seeing you as you? 

"Is that Nate's mum?"

"Can I speak to Nate's mum please"

"Mum says"

"Let's ask mum, mum what do you think?"

"Mum wants"

"Mum thinks that"

I should only be called "Mam" by my daughter. You are not my child. Please don't call me "mum"

I know that in some seminar or tutorial health workers have been taught that in order to show empathy and be more inclusive they should use "mum" and "dad". I understand when they do it that it is actually them making an effort, and perhaps they feel uncomfortable using a first name as it might seem too familiar. But honestly, all it does is pee us off. It doesn't make us feel included or listened to. It just widens the gulf between us. Our names are on the first page of my son's notes after all. 

Parental feeling about this does seem to be gradually filtering through the NHS, particularly within the younger cohort of doctors ( err unless on the system next to my name is " don't call her mum she's pure radge", which would explain a lot). Those I have met in the last 6 months have certainly made the effort to ask my name and a bit about me. To be fair those I've bet at our local hospital have been bloody brilliant ( and not just at not peeing me off). 

This matters. This is huge. Especially when sometimes even I forget who I am. 

(See! I can write about this without ranting. Not ranty at all. I don't complain about this to everyone who will listen...)